When I was out at dinner recently with some of my friends, someone joked about the fact that whenever we are out to dinner, someone always asks me about my work and then I end up spending hours politely answering questions about it.

Someone also said to me “I am sure that Adam doesn’t mind, because that is who he is…”

Interesting. My brain clicked in.

When I first started seeing clients in my individual therapy practice, I used to think of myself as a knight in shining armour, helping people to win battles of life and succeed more. I have also seen myself as many other things as time has gone by. However, who actually am I? Big question, eh? I have spent hours and hours working on my own identity and I find it a fascinating and enlightening topic.

So many people do not really consider themselves to have much of an identity or they keep the same identity that they may have had as a child and it may not be serving them well. This identity may not be conscious, it may well be firmly lodged beneath the surface.

Many of us will have found that many individuals do adopt identities from stories, films and books. Our minds are saturated with input from these sources, so maybe we should not be surprised that we tend to adopt the identities of others from time to time.

How many people do you know have become victims of a sad story as a way of seeking more love? How many people do you know that have adopted a certain identity to attempt to be more appealing to another? How many people do you know that have overcome great odds to triumph as so many heroes do? I am not suggesting for one moment, that you need to adopt the identity of someone other than yourself, though it can be very useful at times…

This article is about how to actually start to discover more of the essence of who you actually are. This is often clouded and veiled – we tend to think we are our actions, or our behaviours, or that we are the things we have… when of course we are not those things at all.

This technique allows you to truly strip back the layers of who you might think you are. How to let go of many of the things in which you may have defined yourself by and get to the real you behind it all, so that you can have a place from which you can choose to create your identity as you think is best for you.

I came across this technique and use it with many of my clients. I do not know where it originated but cannot take credit for the idea, only the adaptation of the technique…

Step One: Go into hypnosis. Although any receptive, quiet state of mind is just as good. Go get my self-hypnosis book if you want to learn how.

Take a few deep breaths into your tummy, then let your breathing resume all at its own pace and observe yourself, your thoughts and engage in the moment. Imagine drifting deep inside your own mind and get your body nice and relaxed. As you get your body nice and relaxed, allow your mind to gradually quieten and once you feel that your internal state is nice and receptive and still, proceed on to the technique itself.

Step Two: Next, we are going to use your imagination. If you feel that you have difficulty using your imagination, just pretend that it is easy and that is just as good. Trust that however you are doing this, is the right way for you.

So imagine in front of your there is a very large, clear plastic bag. That’s all. A nice large plastic bag. Imagine it in whatever way is best for you.

As you look at the bag notice many things about it, especially the clarity with which you can see through the bag to the inside. Imagine and trust that you can see very clearly what is in this bag. One thing to notice straight away is a colour inside of the bag. Just imagine a lovely purple swirling colour, slowly moving around in that bag.

Spend a couple of moments just watching this nice purple light swirling and rolling around slowly inside the bag.

The beauty and fun of this technique comes from the fact that there are some things that you can place in the bag. Some things about yourself, your thoughts your ideas, your difficulties, your hopes and of course your identity.

Step Three: Now you can start to put things into this bag in front of you.

Begin by putting into the bag your name and everything it means about you. Think about what your name says and how it feels to have this name.

Then place in the bag your clothes, including your favorite outfit, put in your entire wardrobe and anything else that is in it.

At the same time now, put in the bag your hairstyle, any makeup... have a good think what they say about you, what kind of statement they make, what they mean about you as you watch it all slowly rolling around and swirling in the bag.

Think about things that are important to you and then go ahead and put in the bag all your furniture, your entire home and absolutely everything in your home.

Then in the bag put your car and what it says about you, what you are trying to tell people about yourself. At this stage, place every single one of your possessions in the bag. Let go of all those physical things.

Step Four: Having done that, begin to think about some of these other ways you may be defined… So now put your job or your work in the bag. Add to it all those ideas that you are what you do.

As unusual as it may sound, put your mind into the bag next. While you are at it, also place into the bag that little voice in the back of your mind that is often tells you what to think and what to do.

Then add your personality to the bag, your dreams, any nightmares. Put these into the bag.

Then let go of your beliefs - all of your beliefs about money, men, women, family, sex and your weight. With them, put into the bag any beliefs about race, God, religion, politics, just put all the beliefs you have at all inside the bag.

As well as your beliefs, place in the bag all of the ideas and fears you may have about life and death, put your mother and father in the bag and all of your ideas and thoughts about them.

In the bag now place any sisters, brothers, grandparents, husband or wife, children, friends. Think about how and who you are with them as you put them in. Put into the bag, anyone you have every hurt or that hurt you. Put all of your complaints in the bag and anything you have ever complained about. Add to the bag all your judgments, every person you have ever met or encountered.

As well as the people themselves, also put in the opinions others have about you. Include opinions your parents had about what they wanted you to be, what your friends think of you, your colleagues and what your enemies think of you.

Put in the bag your needs. Include any need you may have to always be right. Make sure you also place in the bag your opinions. Include opinions about what you have and have not accomplished, opinions about success and failure. Opinions about reputation and opinions about who you are.

Step Five: Now put all the relationships you left and all the relationships that left you into the bag. Add to it, all of your characteristics, habits, behaviours and regular actions. Just watch it all swirling and moving, all those things that are you, that define you.

Place all your desires and wants into the bag next. Include any desire to always tell the truth or to any desire not to tell the truth. Any desires to avoid or confront others. Also go ahead and put into the bag all of your fears. Add all of your previous programming and with it all the reasons for the way you are what you are.

Step Six: Finally, put any current problems in the bag. Now, have a really good think and put anything you might have forgotten into the bag. Include everything and anything about you. Put it all in the bag, everything that is you is in the bag. Remember to put the clothes you are wearing in the bag and of course to place in the bag your body, your physical form.

Really see everything that is you in the bag, all swirling around in the bag, with the purple light. Have a really good look at everything that is you and really tune in to this moment.

Step Seven: This is where you want to really think about who you are. This is the crescendo of this exercise.

Realize something very important - you are not in the bag.

Really think about this while you are in this nice state, having gone through all the processes throughout the technique - You are who is looking at the bag.

You see, essentially you created everything in that bag to help you experience yourself. When it comes to your identity, you can keep or discard anything in the bag, it is entirely your choice.

Remind yourself that you are not who is in the bag, that you are not the things in the bag. Take some time out to meditate on this and get some insight. You may start to also get a flavour of who you really are – for you are who is looking at the bag – behind all that stuff.

Step Eight: Whenever you feel that you have learned all that you need to learn from this, you can wiggle your fingers and toes and open your eyes and go about your day.

Bear in mind that how you behave, think and act is not necessarily who you think you are. You are acting, behaving and thinking through hundreds and thousands of filters that are helping you define who you are in the world – is that really you? Take a step back and think of your actual identity this very day.